


I'll always worry

by britishbossy



Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Fix-It, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation (2015) Spoilers, Oblivious Benji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:22:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24944575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/britishbossy/pseuds/britishbossy
Summary: When Ethan opens his eyes, the first person he sees is Benji. The technician nods at him briefly, his features twisted in worry. Before Ethan can conjure up a clear thought he passes out again.Set at the end of Rogue Nation.
Relationships: Benji Dunn/Ethan Hunt, Ethan Hunt & Julia Meade
Comments: 4
Kudos: 76





	1. Ethan

When Ethan opens his eyes, the first person he sees is Benji. The technician nods at him briefly, his features twisted in worry. Before Ethan can conjure up a clear thought he passes out again.

The next time he opens his eyes, Julia is sitting on the edge of his bed. At first he's surprised to see her there, not sure where they even are but then he remembers. They're in Kashmir and they just stopped John Lark and Solomon Lane from destroying the world.

For the first time in years Ethan feels relief. Julia, the woman he loves most is happily remarried, has a job she loves and her entire aura seems to radiate content.

His eyes find the entry of the medical tent where he sees his team; Luther, Ilsa and Benji. They're all here, they're fine. Ethan feels so grateful in that moment that he's close to tears. Benji nods and smiles at him, clearly exhausted but alive.

Julia keeps talking to him and his attention shifts back to her. He realises that all the guilt he's felt over the years is slowly starting to vanish. There's no reason to put himself down on her behalf. She's fine and happy without him. He did not destroy her life after all. When Julia asks about his love life, his eyes involuntarily move back towards the tent's entry but his team is gone. Benji is gone. Ethan's face falls a little before he looks back at his ex wife.

“Could you, erm, could you find Benji and send him in?”

Julia's smile is filled with understanding and for some reason, Ethan feels himself blush but she just nods and leaves him to fulfil his request.

As soon as he's alone in the tent agent Hunt closes his eyes with a sigh. Normally, he would rest and he's sure that Benji will insist he does exactly that but not before he's told him. He's wanted to tell Benji ever since Lane has used him as a living bomb back in London. Ethan remembers the look in his best friend's eyes, so brave, trying his hardest not to panic. He remembers the sheer relief when Ethan had got him out, the fierce determination of ending this mission successfully and making his way back home, back to his team, back to Benji.

For years, Ethan has been aware that Benji has a crush on him for it's fairly obvious. However, considering his negative experience Ethan has tried his hardest not to let them cross the boundary of friendship towards anything more. But there is more, it has been more ever since Benji found him in Vienna and stayed, loyal beyond belief, so much stronger than he looked and so endearingly brave it's been physically painful not to take him into his arms and kiss him.

Ethan held himself back for both of their sakes. Benji is the best man he knows and he deserves a normal partnership, a relationship that would last. After Julia, Ethan didn't believe himself able to be a part of such a thing ever again but for Benji he's willing to try. Benji, who never leaves his side, Benji, whose jokes always make him laugh, Benji, who he needs to protect with everything he has.

He opens his eyes as he hears footsteps coming into his direction.

Benji's expression is weary but he smiles it away and Ethan's heart expands.


	2. Benji

When Julia tells him that Ethan wants to see him he briefly considers to decline. Benji can still feel the robe around his neck and his throat burns at the memory. He knows that being in the field can end deadly and one day his luck, skills and even Ethan might not be enough to keep him alive.

He shakes his head. Ethan was miles away, fighting Lark and nearly dying himself. The technician had forgot about his own injuries in a second when they had brought Ethan in, barely conscious and with four cracked ribs. Benji told him once that he might take it too far one day and each time they do something like this he fears this might be it, this might be the day Ethan Hunt dies on him. He doesn't think he could handle it. For years, he's had a crush on his team leader and since the incident with Lane in London he's sure it is love. But Ethan is straight. Besides, the way he looked at Julia earlier held nothing but affection and Benji had felt his heart sink while he had scolded himself internally at the same time to be happy for his best friend. He couldn't stand to watch any longer and left only to have Ethan call him back now.

Ethan Hunt, the most impossible, the bravest, the kindest and wisest man he'd ever met. Who was he to refuse? He thanks Julia for telling him and briefly takes comfort in her kind eyes before he makes his way over to the medical tent where Ethan is resting. Before he enters, he clears his throat twice in a poor attempt to conceal his injury. He knows that Ethan will see it and he's scared of his reaction for the last thing Benji wants is for him to pity him.

Ethan's eyes open when he steps inside and they both start to smile at the same time it seems. Benji's gaze glides over his injuries once more but when he feels his gut twist in discomfort he decides to focus on his eyes instead. They're Ethan's most beautiful feature, anyway (although to Benji every part of Ethan is nothing but beautiful). He goes to sit on the bed, carefully avoiding his hand and leg.

“Hey, man.” He starts. “Julia said you wanted to see me.” Ethan nods.

“Are you okay?” Benji sighs, he would never lie to Ethan.

“Not really but I will be.”

Ethan's face forms into a frown and suddenly he tries to sit up. Benji's hand flies to his shoulder before he can stop himself.

“Ethan, Jesus, don't move, you idiot!” He hisses but Ethan just smiles.

“I'm fine.”

“You have four cracked ribs and you nearly died, again as I might add. Here, let me-”

Benji moves to adjust Ethan's pillow with one hand, the other gently cubbing the back of his friend's neck. Only while doing so, it occurs to Benji that he's being a mother hen. He can feel a blush creeping up his neck. Ethan leans back to look at him and Benji's not quick enough to pull both hands away, resulting in his left hand being buried beneath the pillow while his right hand is resting next to Ethan's head.

Whatever he was going to say evaporates into thin air when their eyes meet. Ethan's gaze is gentle, almost loving and it both scares and excites Benji.

“You don't have to worry so much about me, you know.” Ethan says, his voice much quieter than before. Benji lets out a huff at that. Isn't it obvious that that's practically part of his job description?

“I'll always worry about you.” He answers, barely aware of what he's saying. He cannot look away from Ethan's green, hypnotic eyes that seem to draw him closer and closer. He barely registers the movement of Ethan's hand before it's cubbing his cheek.

“I know.” Ethan breathes, shortening their distance further. In the next moment they're kissing and Benji gasps in surprise. In response, Ethan presses his lips even firmer against his as if to answer a question Benji has not even asked, yet. The younger agent feels his eyes flutter closed. It doesn't matter that Ethan's lips are chapped. It doesn't matter that Benji's skin feels cool in the aftermath of coming down from an adrenaline high. For now, he feels high on something else. He kisses him back only after the moment his brain needs to catch up with all this. Ethan sighs softly against him and Benji feels his heart jump with joy.

When they part, however, his mind catches up with him and he pulls back, ashamed.

“Ethan, sorry, I, I shouldn't have...you're on meds and...” Suddenly, he feels hot all over and he's pretty sure he's blushing like a virgin. Does Ethan even recognise him? Did he even want that? Has Benji just taken advantage of his weakened state? Oh god, he feels like an arsehole.

But Ethan's tender gaze does not waver and his hand has not moved from his cheek.

“Benji.” He smiles.

“I'm not good with words which is why I wanted to show you.” Benji blinks.

“Show me?” He asks weakly for his throat seems to close up but this time for an entirely different reason.

“I love you, Benji. And I want, more than anything to be with you. If you'll have me.”

Benji isn't sure for how long he just stares at Ethan. He then manages to let out a brief, unbelieving huff. Ethan's face clouds over with doubt and Benji's rambling again.

“No, no, no, I..I'd love to, I mean,...Ethan, I've loved you for years.” Ethan's eyes fall to his lips as his thump strokes along Benji's beard.

“I know. Sorry it took me so long.” Benji blinks again. How can this be real? At the same time he feels the events of this day take their toll on him. He suddenly feels bone deep tired, his limbs sinking towards the ground, following the force of gravity without a fight.

Ethan seems to sense it, for he scoots to the side and tugs Benji in by the shoulder.

“Come here.” He orders softly.

“Ethan, you're hurt-”

“I'm fine.” Ethan reassures him with a smile. “Just rest with me.”

A part of him knows that this is it. The beginning. There's so much that he wants to tell him, so many things unsaid, so much room for him to elaborate on the mass of feelings he's been carrying around for years now. But in the face of Ethan's warmth and comfort all he can do is follow his wish and let go. When it comes to this man he's never had a choice.

Benji lies next to him, carefully at first but as soon as his head rests of Ethan's shoulder he can feel himself sink against him. The last thing he feels before he falls asleep is Ethan's lips and breath against his forehead and for the first time in days, Benji feels safe.


End file.
